“don’t want to serve.. There’s no progress in the outreach.”

“will do it when the time is right, now’s not the time yet”

“don’t see a future in doing this,”

I’ve been hearing so much of these from friends and family.
There are barriers to the challenges we face, but I always believe the biggest barrier to overcome is always ourselves.

I find myself leaning to doing, and loving, the “what’s the point?” things in life. I don’t believe in results and outcomes. I don’t believe in the trial and tested routes to success. I believe God and God alone holds the key and has the power to decide whichever outcome He deems fit.
For that matter, nothing I do or my efforts has any contributing influence to the outcome, well.. Except for prayers, of course.

I won’t be who I am, I will keep on changing… For the better.
Status quo doesn’t make my life a life.

There.. Pretty much sums up my resolutions for 2012.

I can’t even begin to describe the disappointment I feel towards my parents on the biggest event of my life. Except that, i am allowing the Holy Spirit to work through me as He heals and comforts me.

Work, well, … I prayed and asked God to take me out of my comfort zone, to show me what it meant to carry His cross and follow Him. And, He is surely unfolding them for me.

Reading the book of Daniel now. Once again, inspired by this great biblical character…

Married life? So far so good.. Mum-in-law even made sure I drank her homemade nutritious soup before I met Jackie and doc for dinner.. Mmm, can’t say I find the same warmth in Koh’s household ..

Still I am grateful to the Good Lord
Last day of 2011, I am sure 2012 will be even greater when I allow His will to be done.

I suppose it’s time for another change, a new challenge to break out of the comfort zone.

One
More
Week
Till
Wedding.

Can’t wait for it to be finally over, and get the marriage started!

By His Grace.

For Christians, we are equally capable of that as well. Despite the every Sunday gg to church, despite gg for bible study groups, or attending prayer conference, if have not truly repented and surrender our lives to God, we are so susceptible to temptations and falling to them.
Today I learned of someone who despite so many years of going to church and serving and doing all things church-y such as even doing QT everyday, falls to pride, lust, adultery and alcoholism. And it has hurt his family, friends and the disciples under his care so much. What betrayal!!

Even then, I know our God who has been betrayed worse has the agape love in Him to forgive all of us.. each and everyone of us… again and again. And so,
I will attempt not to judge and to forgive him as well, and to view myself as a person evil and sinful, and not one any better or more righteous as him.

Did a google and it’s Ben from Felicity!!!
Loved Felicity so much back in sec school, always loved the show -the life she had, her self-discovery and reflections. Always NYC.

How come real life isn’t TV?

Can’t wait for the wedding to be over and for our marriage to really begin

So tempted to get a 3rd gown ..Grecian with aquamarine stones over the neckline… But God had promised me a better dress in His Kingdom, so I’ll wait for it.
Seems also that God been speaking to me to give up travels to Europe/US when SEA is equally beautiful and will equally give me the rest required. Just because Kel travels for free for work doesn’t mean I have to tag along.

Hmph.

Fortunately, my data plan w StarHub is expiring and I look forward to a new iPhone 5 w Singtel.

Unfortunately, Apple’s new CEO revealed there won’t be any iPhone 5 but iPhone 4S instead.

Fortunately and amazingly, I have been able to wake up naturally at 7am sharp without the alarm (my iPhone no longer functions in aircon environment). Eventhough I sleep at 2-3am and the mornings have been raining (aka v nice to sleep in mode), I haven’t been late to work since that first day boo boo. I thank God for His wake-up call. What else can it be?

I also thank God for giving me the
motivation to go to work again. I look forward to many things – the double-decker bus rides to the east (and I can finally read), the daily devotion with colleagues, and the meaningful writings i do.

I try not to think abt the “sacrifices” I’ve given up – because, really there hasnt been any.

The Lord has impressed on me to remain faithful to Him; to walk this journey with Him believing that He hears me and will equip me. To ask Him for direction before even beginning any work and to leave the outcome to Him. To rely on my own strength, I will go “pancit” in no time. So, I will lean on Him and draw on His strength to keep enduring; no matter how tough the roads ahead will be. I will not be affected by external factors but be secured in knowing the Lord will carry me.

God doesn’t need me to deliver the needs of His children; even w/o me He has the means to ensure His children doesn’t go hungry. But, He uses me anyway because He has a grand plan for me to transform me. With this in mind, I strive to not to be arrogant with my work or claim credits and rewards. In fact, I ask the Lord to give me trials and challenges that He may break me so that my total reliance be on Him.

I am learning so much eventhough it’s the first day. For one, learning how to be responsible after I’m late ( yes, late on first day). That simply means saying sorry. Period. And not giving excuses like bus came 30min late.

And so, I dedicate my life to our Lord and may His will be done.

I ask myself again what’s the direction I’m heading towards? Is it worth it? What exactly am I fighting for? Have I lost the objective?

There’re some things we can afford to lose, and others: once lost, will never be able to get them back.

I thank God I don’t have to face it alone.